Doctor-Nurse Jokes

A Doctor had an urgent phone call from a man saying his small son had swallowed his pen.

Doctor : "All right! I"m coming soon, But what are you doing in the mean time?"

Man : "I'm using a pencil"

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Jim fell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms.

Jim finished them and gave them back.

"Anything else?" The nurse asked.

"Yes," Jim thinks for a while and said, "I’m a bachelor."

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Doctor : "What would you do first if you caught Rabies?"

Trainee Nurse : "First of all I'll bite my mother in law"

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Tom and Johnny were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, Johnny suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. Tom jumped in and saved Johnny and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.

Then doctor said to Tom:
"We have good news and bad news for you, Tom. The good news is we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient. The bad news is,the patient, Johnny whom you had saved hung himself in the toilet."

Tom said:
"He didn’t hang himself. He was wet after drowning so I hung him there to dry."

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Nurse : "Wake up man"

Patient : "Why what's the matter"

Nurse : "Nothing, I just forgot to give the prescribed sleeping pills"

Little Johnny jokes

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?"

"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.

"I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?"

"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"

The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"

Marriage Jokes

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

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A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced!

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A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Lazy Friends

Once there were two lazy persons sleeping under a mango tree. Their names were Ram and Shyam.

All of a sudden one mango fell on Shyam's chest, so Shyam asks Ram to pick up the mango and put in his mouth, but Ram refuses to do so and instead calls him a lazy lump.

Suddenly, Shyam sees a person riding away on a horse and shouts at him to come to his aid. The person on the horse got down of it and asked Shyam that what problem he had. In turn Shyam said that his friend Ram was not picking up the mango for him and that he should do him this favor. To this the man calls him the worlds biggest lazy and abuses him.

Ram listens to this and says to the rider that his friend is so lazy that the whole night a dog was licking his face and his friend did not even bother to chase him out.

Funny short joke for the moment

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.